They got me.

24 Jan

The psychiatric system has beaten me. I’ve lost. I tried my best to get the help I need. But all that my efforts have done is show me there is no way to hold mental health professionals to account; that the system will protect itself at all costs. There’s no hope for me now.

I tried my best – but my efforts came to nothing. So this is it now. This is my life. This … suffering. On and on.

The more I’ve been denied care, treatment & support, the more I’ve deteriorated; and the more of my life I have lost. And the more each of the services has withdrawn from me into their own little silos, behind their bunker of disingenuous records. Nobody wants to be caught out.

I really did try my best to get help. But I’ve exhausted all avenues. Challenging the psychiatric system only produces greater resistance. They fight like hell to protect their own interests, those so-called professionals. They’ve crushed the life out of me.

I was trying to make a difference – not just to get myself the needed help, but also to set a precedent so psychiatric services would think twice before treating others the way they’ve behaved towards me. But there’s too little of me left to continue that fight. I’ve lost.

What a waste. What cruelty.

I had such hope for such a long time – it’s coming up to my 10 year anniversary of involvement with psychiatric services. 10 years! That’s how long I tried & tried & tried in all sorts of different ways to get the help I need. That’s a lot of hope. And a lot of wasted effort.

What a lot of needless suffering. Years of it.

The system will always win in the end. The psychiatric system – with its ability to use brute force; with its ability to discredit & undermine detractors in the most fundamental & devastating ways – is uniquely qualified to beat down poorly patients. They got me.

There can be good people working within terrible systems. I’ve met some lovely mental health professionals in person & on social media – kind, compassionate, skillful. I’ve seen people get really good psychiatric care & go on to live good lives. It’s not all bad.

If you’ve had good mental health care & it’s helped you, I am happy for you. If you’re doing your best to make a positive difference to people’s suffering, thank you. Keep going. I want good care for everyone who wants & needs it.

It’s too late for me – but hopefully in future more people will be able to get the care, support & treatment they need.

Don’t worry – I’m not about to do anything dramatic now. This is just a simple statement of facts. It’s too late for me.

The psychiatric system has beaten me.

They got me.

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